Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – The Super Bowl & The End

scott-farkus

Steve-stradamus strikes again!  I’ve been cold hard cash-money over the past 3 weeks, haven’t I?  Say what you will about my subpar predictions and proclamations for the 2013 regular season (insert personal grievance here) I’ve been on a roll of late.  As the ladies say, ‘it’s not about how you start but how you finish!’  Just ask the ladies.  When you do they’ll most likely a furrow brow (either good or bad).

I’ve been nothing short of ‘fitzmagic’ guessing all but one game wrong to this point and you can’t blame me for picking The Bengals over The Chargers – a ginger devil is to blame.  Trust me, he’s at home yucking it up like Scott Farkus.

Wilson OK

Yin vs. Yang

Despite this one being a real fork-in-the-road type game I feel confident.

We honestly could not have asked for a better Super Bowl match-up this year.  It is truly a Clash of the Titans!  The #1 seed in each Conference facing off with The Broncos having the #1 offense and The Seahawks owning the #1 defense.  They say that offense sells tickets while defense wins games and this Sunday we’ll see how that theory plays out.  This game is, literally, yin vs. yang.

I believe a I wrote a season ago that The Seahawks were on the cusp of becoming “The Dominant” team of the future led by a ferocious and innovative D, Beast Mode and the intuitive, mistake-free and sometimes magical play of 2nd year QB Russell Wilson.  I watched Wilson play in College numerous times with Wisconsin and he’s the type of player who makes big plays in the biggest of games.  When the pressure mounts he seems to play better and finds a way to make things happen by improvisation.  He’s been doing it long before he made it into the pros.  He was lucky to be drafted into the right system to start off his career and 36 games later he’s blossomed into as good as any QB in The League.  He doesn’t put up the numbers that his opponent does but he wins in a system that works for him and that’s all you really need.

Seattle’s D, as mentioned above, is ferocious bunch.  They are like a lion and a great white shark turned into to some sort of land and seafaring lionshark!  The front 4, linebackers and defensive backs are all Grits ‘N’ Gavy morning, noon and night.  Enough cannot be said about the Legion of Boom.  You could say that Sherman is their leader but they are all fantastic in their own right.  There isn’t a weak link and any one of them could make a play that will change the course of the game.  If any one thing is going to be the difference in this match-up it’s going to be The Hawks secondary. They are the ones standing between Manning and his second Lombardi trophy.

Peyton Manning

Denver has learned a lot from their loss last year to Baltimore.  Instead of relying on a never ending air-raid they’ve mixed in a strong running game and a serviceable D that keeps their offense on the field.  They have a middle of the road defense but when you have the best offense you give your defense a lot of rest with ample opportunities to take chances.  Although he does it often Manning doesn’t need to throw 4-5 touchdowns here to win.  Most important for Denver is to control the time of possession keeping Seattle’s offense on the sidelines which is exactly what they did to The Pats two weeks ago.  Denver was in control the entire game keeping The Pats and Brady on the sidelines in frustration mode.  The Broncos beat them in all facets of the game and Peyton was flawless like he has been all season.  How can you not feel like they don’t have a great shot to win this game?

Here’s the thing though  – The Hawks are an infinitely better team than The Patriots and any other team The Broncos have faced this year.  To me, that’s like saying Frank Stallone is equally as talented as his brother Sylvester.  Puuuleeeasse!  Frank’s good but not that good!

I’m hard pressed to think either team will blow out the other.  It’s going to be a close battle.  Manning is going to have to make pinpoint throws all game and I believe, at some point, Seattle’s D will take advantage of his noodle arm.  As great as Manning is no QB does well under pressure (and in the cold weather) and Seattle will bring the ruckus.  Seattle’s secondary takes chances and Manning sometimes floats the ball in there and sooner or later the Legion of Boom will jump on it and take advantage.  As for Seattle, if they can keep goddamn Percy Harvin healthy for just this game he’ll be a difference maker.  He may or may not put up huge numbers but having him in the game will make Denver’s D uneasy which will open up opportunities for Wilson to pick apart.  I’ve said it all season and I’m not changing my horse in midstream – Seattle’s going to win.  They are the toughest, smartest, best coached and meanest motherfuckers on the field and come Sunday, they’ll hoist the Lombardi trophy for the first time in their history.

NFC Championship - San Francisco 49ers v Seattle Seahawks

Hawks soar.  Caw, caw!

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Prediction & Proclamations, 2011-2014

Ever seen the show “Shark Tank”?  It’s with those 5 assholes who make up 51% of North America’s wealth.  On that show they say if you are not successful within 3 years of starting a business it’s time to call it a day.  Writing “Thoughts & Shit” has been fun and I appreciate the handful of you out there who have been loyal and have taken the time to read my nonsensical garbage week in and week out but it’s time to hang up the keyboard.

I’m sure I’ll be back in some other shape or form but a weekly NFL blog is no more.  All the best, watch lots of football, drink lots of beers or booze, eat bad food, be inactive all day and for the love of all that’s right in the world, go Bills!

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(That’s me, Stephen J., Warrior)

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Conference Finals

Man oh man oh boy oh Lord.  Shiiiiiiit, man.  Last week I equated the game between the 9ers & Panters like the epic battle between Rocky and Thunderlips seen in Rocky lll but this week’s two Conference Championship games are going to be even more perplexing to predict.  This weekend it’s Hogan vs. Bundy territory.  I don’t even know where to begin with these two match-ups.  Honestly, take matters into your own hands and roll the dice and take control of your own destiny.  Better yet roll an eight sided die to make things more complicated because that’s where we’re at right now.  I can conjure up all the mystical magic in the world but The God’s that be aren’t answering.  We’re on our own now.

Pats & Broncos

Brady is 10-4 against Manning all-time and 2-1 against him in the post-season.  Those numbers don’t really mean anything though, do they?  Yes, the odds are in Brady’s favor but sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and the past is always the past.  Seriously, all the number crunching in the world doesn’t factor into ‘the moment’.

I like what I saw from both teams last week.  The Pats are leaning hard on their running game and getting the most out of it.  If there is any one tactic that can beat The Broncos it’s a sound running game keeping Manning off the field.  If they can pound the ground with LaGarrette Blount and mix in some play-action The Pats have got it made.  A lot of people don’t think The Pats have a chance but they’ve done it before, several times over and they can most definitely do it again.  Never count out The Pats.

The Broncos, like The Patriots, relied on a solid running game in their victory last week against The Chargers and used the passing game effectively when they had to.  It was an impressive football victory.  It’s funny to think that two teams known for their bread and butter passing games turned to their jam.  A lot of dingle berries that dangle their berries think that Manning and co. need to get out in front early with an offensive onslaught but I’m of the opinion they need to keep things close for the duration of the game and put the ball in Manning’s hands to win in the final minutes.  The Pats are sneaky and the one way to keep them in check is to keep the game close.  If The Pats fall behind early they are likely to pull out some shenanigans like they did in their 34-31 victory the last time these two met in Week 12.

In my personal opinion I think this is going to be a nick and tuck game with several lead changes.  The Pats are golden in the big games and they will most definitely have a good game plan going into this one but I feel like whomever has the ball last is going to win and I think that’s going to be Manning.  As dangerous as The Pats are Manning knows the sand in his hourglass is running out so it feels like now or never.  Sure, there is always next year but the time is now for him.

Hawks & 9ers

As much as I sincerely hate, hate, fucking red-haze hate the douchey 9ers and their bubble butt coach they are playing the best football of all remaining 4 teams right now.  They are playing phenomenal D and solid offense and they beat The Panthers in Carolina at their own game and The Packers in un-Godly cold weather in Green Bay.  They have a great receiving corps and a tough running back.  Unfortunately for them though, they are entering the single toughest environment to win in.  Seattle is a real bitch of a place to win on the road there will, literally, be 66,700 Seattle fans screaming their lungs out every time San Fran’s offense is on the field.  I love how Seattle is not selling tickets to anyone from California.  Fuck ’em.

Seattle is going to put in a very strong defensive showing.  I think everyone, including the 9ers and 9ers fans know that.  The big question mark is how will the offense perform?  Russell Wilson does not make mistakes but he also doesn’t take big chances.  When he makes mistakes it’s because he is in desperation mode and The Hawks have been in that mode only a handful of times this season.  He’s not used to playing from behind.  Marshawn Lynch is, in fact, a beast but he can be stopped by a very tough 9ers D if they become one-dimensional and lean on him too much.  Wilson and the receivers are going to have to step it up several notches over their recent play.  If they phone in the passing game they will lose.  Percy Harvin has to stay healthy, not get knocked out and become a factor in this game.  He keeps the D honest and allows other players to get open.  He also allows Wilson the opportunity to scramble and make plays with his little legs.

9ers QB Colin Kaepernick has played really well this post-season but he’s also gotten away with a few bad throws.  Make no mistake, if he makes a bad throw The Hawks Legion of Boom will make him pay and take advantage.  I can see Sherman or Thomas or Chancellor making a game-changing play.  Seattle’s ferocious D will not give Cpt. Kap much to work with so he’s going to have to play of full 60 minutes of mistake free football.  That’s a tough mission to carry out at Century Link.  Many have failed and only one has succeeded in two years (Carson Palmer!?)

So In the end I have to go with Seattle’s 12th Man.  It’s unlike any other environment for a visiting team to play in and win and although The 9ers are playing phenomenal football Seattle has the best defense in The League playing on their home turf.  Russell Wilson hasn’t been great the past few weeks but the little guy is full of magic like ‘Lil Harry Potter and I think he’ll be the difference.  I said before and I’ll say it again – I’m not going against The Hawks this season.  They’ve just been too good, too often and when it’s time to shine, they do.

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Divisionals – The Hoedown Of Showdowns

Saints & Seahawks
I’ve been looking for a lot of fancy schmancy words and in-depth analysis to convey my feelings about the outcome of this re-match but in the end I can only say that The Saints are totally fucked going into this one.  The Saints will not incur the same shellacking they took on their last trip to Century Link field but they will lose.  Sorry Saints fans but a win in Seattle S’Aint happening.
Pats & Colts
That was one goddamn impressive comeback Andrew Luck & The Colts pulled out last week but as impressive as it was The Chiefs did lose their star running back and his back-up and let’s get serious here – they gave that game away.  The Colts had one offensive weapon to lean on in T.Y. Hilton and The Chiefs just him catch everything thrown his way.  Seriously, why didn’t they double team him?  No other player was going to stretch the field.  They were up 28 points and all they had to do was take away the one big play threat but instead they opened up the brothel and said, “buy one, get one free but we’d appreciate if you only bought one.”  Goddamn KC!
Giving The Pats a week off to prepare for this one is like giving a University Prof a reason to fail you.  They’ll take that deal every time.  The Pats have their weaknesses but they’ve found a new identity with RB LaGarrette Blount. They’ll pound the ground and mix it up with crossing patterns and slants aplenty.  Tom Brady is pure money in the post-season and I would be shocked if they didn’t put forth an impressive showing.  It’s what they do.  The Colts were lucky to squeeze by last weekend but Brady & Belicheck are too smart, too savvy and too experienced to make the same mistakes as The Chiefs.
The Colts and Luck seem like a team of destiny but their destiny won’t be fulfilled this year.  It will be another year when the likes of Manning and Brady have hung up their cleats and called it a day.  Pats won’t win easy but they’ll win and move on to another classic Brady & Manning hoedown of a showdown.
9ers & Panthers
Oh boy, of all the match-ups this weekend this is the most perplexing.  They are both so evenly matched it’s like Rocky vs. Thunderlips, Round 2 and if you don’t know what I mean by that reference than you haven’t lived or watched enough movies, Man!  It’s going to be some epic bullshit I tells ya.  The Panthers won round 1 but The 49ers and Cpt. Kap are thriving and have Crabtree back as a weapon.  The 9ers were impressive last week playing in near Absolute Zero against The Packers but it was The Pack and they are not the same team as The Panthers.  Carolina has one of if not the most dominant D’s.  The 9ers aren’t exactly an offensive juggernaut so I can’t see them lighting up the scoreboard but neither will Carolina.  Man oh man, I just don’t know.  I feel like I gotta chose between a never-ending Indian rug burn or punch in the sack!
If this were a few years from now I would be picking The Panther but this is their very 1st playoff game with Cam at the helm and experience plays a big part in these sorts of things.  As much as these guys are professionals and have played in big games before it just isn’t quite the same stage as The NFL playoffs.  The 9ers have the experience and confidence to go toe to toe and win on the road.  I believe they will and will move on to, what seems like, an inevitable match-up with Seattle in Seattle (where they, like New Orleans, are totally fucked).
Chargers & Broncos
I should have and wanted to pick The Chargers last weekend but I sided with a ginger on his home turf and when you run with The Devil you reap what you sow.  It was The Chargers near loss to The Chiefs 2nd stringers in Week 17 that threw me for a loop because other than that, they’ve been Grits ‘N’ Gravy over the past 5 weeks.  They’ve been in playoff mode for a while and from what I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that a team in playoff mode weeks leading into the playoffs is a team to be feared.  They just operate on a different level.  Maybe it’s the transition from desperation to confidence that gives them the edge?  Who knows for sure?  They’re going back to Denver where they put the hurt on The Broncos and handed them their only home loss of the season.  It was an impressive victory and I don’t see The Chargers taking a dive and shitting the bed at this point.  They are a hot team that can throw, run and play tough D.  They are not one-sided and seem to be a team that beats themselves more than others beating them.  That’s a lot of beatin’!  No one, least of all The Broncos, wanted to see The Chargers in the playoffs.  Of all the teams in The AFC The Chargers, in my opinion, are the only team that can beat The Broncos on their home turf.  I like their chances.
The Broncos are coming off the bye so they’ll be well rested and looking to avenge that loss.  Some teams come out cold with the week off but I don’t think The Broncos with Peyton Manning are that team.  They’ll be prepped and ready to bring the ruckus.  If they can mange to bring forth a running game to compliment their aerial attack they have this one in the bag but if they put all their eggs in one basket with an all-out air raid San Diego will be ready and those eggs will crack and start to stink like deviled egg farts!  Ever smelt those before, folks?  They smell like, well, deviled egg farts.  Not much more to say if you know what I mean.
I find it hard to believe that The Broncos will lose two games at home against San Diego, especially in a game for all the marbles.  It’s gonna be a close game but Peyton will impress and move on to The Conference finals.  He’s no ginger.

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Wylde Card Weekend

That was one big fat juicy shit sandwich the Kansas City Chiefs handed The Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday.  Mmmm, mmmm savor that after taste Steeltown.  Against all odds and some questionable refereeing The Chargers were able to pull off the victory in overtime against the KC second stringers and miraculously make it into the post-season.  Heaven’s to Betsy that was a nutty game.  All of Week 17 was topsy-turvy & upsy-downsy.  Just goes to show you anything can happen in The NFL and such has truly been the case all season.  It’s been one surprise after another but now it’s the playoffs or in other words Wylde Card Weekend, so let’s get wild!

9ers & Packers

It always seems like The Packers & 9ers face-off in the post-season and they always seem to have fantastic games.  The Pack barely squeezed by Chicago last week in an unimpressive victory.  That live ball fumble The Packers ran into the end zone was pure Keystone Cops bullshit and I have to be honest in saying that play bothered me.  In an NFL culture that’s all about protecting players I cannot believe the refs didn’t call that play dead.  What if a Bears player ran and cleaned Boykin’s clock while he was standing there holding the ball?  Would a flag have been thrown?  I wonder.

Regardless, The Pack are in and Rodgers has another week to practice to prepare for a much better D than The Bears.  Make no mistake the difference between The Bears D and San Fran’s is oil and water.  If this one was in San Fran I would go on record as saying The 9ers would give The Packers a Roman lashing that Jesus himself would find intolerable.  The fact that it’s cold and in Green Bay will play to their advantage but how much of an advantage is anyone’s guess.

The Pack have a good team but don’t have the chemistry going into the post-season whereas San Fran does.  With wins against Seattle and Arizona Frisco has proven they can beat anyone right now.  With WR Michael Crabtree back QB Colin Kaepernick looks like the QB in last season’s post-season run and that should bring shivers down the spine of every opposing D he’s going to face.

I see this starting off as a slow nip and tuck game but as the minutes go by San Fran will slowly but surely pick apart Green Bay en route to an impressive victory in the cold and on the road.

Chargers & Bengals

The Chargers are lucky to be in the playoffs.  Their spot could very easily be held by The Steelers and it’s funny to think of The Bengals against The Steelers instead of The Chargers.  It’s a very different game indeed and I’d be more inclined to say The Steelers would have a better chance winning in Cincy but Lady Luck favored The Chargers only to break their heart the following week.  I like San Diego and I think they could put up a bit of a fight but Cincy is borderline unstoppable at home and their D is amongst the best.  San Diego has firepower but their light will not shine bright this weekend.  Cincy’s D is just too good at home.  Ginger Dalton should fare well against San Diego’s D as well.  He’ll throw a few bombs A.J. Green’s way and I’m sure he’ll catch one or two or all.  He might throw a few interceptions as well but that never seems to bite him in the ass and I believe that’s because no one wants to take a bit out of a Ginger’s ass – they fart hellfire!

Cincy moves on.

Chiefs & Colts

It’s not about how you start but how you finish.  That’s what the ladies tell me anyhow and that is the case with both of these teams.  KC started the season hot as a Texas high school cheerleader going 9-0 before ending out the season like a Buffalo high school cheerleader at 2-5.  They’ve haven’t looked particularly strong of late and I don’t think any team out there is afraid of playing The Chiefs at home.  They just aren’t a team to be feared right now.  They, occasionally, play good D and have a ‘dink & dunk’ offensive attack with some good special teams play.  The Colts have a stingy D with a ball control offensive that has big play potential.  When Andrew Luck entered into The League everyone thought he was going to light up the scoreboard but he hasn’t had the weapons so he’s become a very good game manager much more so than game manager extraordinaire Alex Smith.

KC has an infinitely better run game but Indy has the better pass attack.  Both quarterback can run but Luck does it better and more often.  In the beginning of the season I would give KC’s D the edge but now I think that goes to Indy and both have big play potential with their Special Teams.  This one is in Indy so I’m hard pressed to think that Indy doesn’t have the advantage going into this one.  Also, Andrew Luck, in only his 2nd year, is much more reliable under pressure in the Big Game compared to Alex Smith.

So I have to go with Indy going into this one as they are the hotter team playing better football and they have home field advantage.  KC’s had a good season but when you look at it closer they’ve had an easy schedule and they were never dominant at any point.  Indy’s won some tough games this year against good competition so they have the better pedigree.

Eagles & Saints

The Saints are 8-0 at home this season and 3-5 on the road.  I really want to pick Cool Brees in this game but New Orleans is playing on the road in cold-ass Philly.  This alone is two strikes against The Saints.  The one saving grace is that Philly’s ‘bend-don’t-break’ D could very well bend till it breaks against The Saints high-powered offensive attack.

To me this game comes down to how well The Saints D can perform against Philly’s run game.  It’s as simple as that.  If The Saints can keep them in check then Brees will have ample opportunities to put points on the board and that’s never a good thing for opposing teams.  However, if they let Philly run wild then its lights out for New Orleans.  They won’t stand a chance.

When I sit on the can, in deep thought, trying to pinch off a doozy I can’t help but think of a young inexperienced Eagles team facing off against a Saints team with a Super Bowl ring.  The Saints have been here before and should be able to handle the pressure whereas The Eagles haven’t been to the playoffs in more than a few years and this will be QB Nick Foles 1st playoff experience.  Like a good quality ‘Rub ‘n’ Tug’ I have to chose experience over youth.  Saints win?

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Week 17, Studs & Duds

Ah, Week 17, the week of gambling tomfoolery. It’s always a guessing game as to which teams will play their studs and which will play their duds.  It’s a ‘Studs ‘N’ Duds’ kinda thing. That term applies to not only Week 17 in The NFL but also horse racing, male stripping and Firefighter Calendars.

Browntown & Steeltown

The Steelers need to win and all of their playoff competition to lose.  In other words, they are kinda fucked.  They will win this game but, unfortunately for them, one of their competitors will also win thus eliminating them from the playoffs.  It’s too bad because The Steelers started off terribly at 1-5 but have ended out the season strong.  The are in a transition phase right now with a lot of old farts on the defense that need to go.  The problem with them over the past two seasons has been keeping players healthy and they only way to do that is to bring in youth and cut ties with the 30+ year-olds.  It’s age-ism at it’s best.   Bring on the new studs Pittsburgh!

Browntown has been building the foundation for a solid team and despite, yet again, having another losing record but they were in every game this season.  If they can manage to bring in a solid quarterback next season the win column will increase tenfold.  The future is bright in Cleveland.

Ravens & Bengals

The Bengals are playing for the #2 seed in The AFC so they’ll be playing their studs which spells bad news for Baltimore.  The Ravens last week looked like a bunch of duds at home last week in their embarrassing loss to New England despite playing their studs.  They need to win this game and have The Dolphins lose to get in.  It’s a bit of a longshot, especially since they’ll be playing on the road but they did beat The Bengals at home earlier this season.

I see this being a close game and a bit of brawl at that.  Because it’s at home I think The Bengals will prevail because that’s what they have been doing all season.

There is no way to candy coat a disappointing season for The Ravens but they lost a lot of seminal pieces from last season.  This off-season will see them rebuild and I think we’ll see an improved team next season.  Lotsa studs, less duds.

Jets & Fish

Fish win and they’re in.  It’s as simple as that.  The Jets will, no doubt, try to play the spoiler here.  There is a very good chance The Jets win this one because The Dolphins don’t blow anyone out of the water and these two always play each other tough.  If The Fish do end up losing they have no business being in the post-season anyhow.  They had a gift of a game in Buffalo and got fucking manhandled by The Bills losing 19-0.  Bunch a duds.  That’s a very bad sign going into this one.  Luckily for them, this game is on their home turf and I have to believe they’ll be inspired to put in a better performance.

I’m on the fence about this one and my balls hurt because of it.  I’m going with The Dolphins but I don’t feel confident.  I feel like I’m asking a girl for her number at the bar – could go either way.  Could be a stud, could be a dud.

Panthers & Falcons

Panthers are in the playoffs already but they want to win to position themselves with a more favorable seed going into the post-season.  The win against New Orleans last weekend was huge and shows what a bunch of studs they truly are.  The don’t blow you out of the water but they make plays when they need to and they rarely dig themselves into a hole they can’t get out of.  They could be a real threat this post-season.  I’m intrigued to see how they fare in their first post-season performance in over a decade.

The Falcons suck balls this season and there really isn’t anything more to add.  Duds.

Panthers win.

Bucs & Saints

The Saints must win to gain entry into the playoffs.  If they don’t they leave the door open for Arizona to steal their spot but luckily for them they are playing at home where they play like a bunch of studs.

The Bucs have somewhat turned it around from a dreadful start.  They always seem to play The Saints tough but playing in the Metrodome against a desperate Saints team will be too much for them to handle.  I see this being a chippy game to start but The Saints will slowly but surely pull away with each passing quarter.

I don’t feel good about The Saints in the post-season because they’ll be on the road where they are weary duds.

Bills & Pats

The Patriots are playing to better position themselves in the playoffs but I don’t think it really matters whether they play at home or on the road.  They’ve been both studs and duds at home and away.  They’ve been a perplexing bunch to watch all year.  Right now, the offence is leaning on a diverse running game with Brady throwing darts to a couple of slot receivers.  They are a resilient bunch and just find a way to make it work where other teams (like The Falcons) just call it a day.

The Bills have had an up and down season with way more downs than ups but they have a pretty ferocious defense full of studs and a lot to be excited about going into next season.  If they can get more consistency and confidence our of their passing game (in other words, more studly) they will be a formidable threat.

Sometimes The Bills surprise The Pats but I don’t they’ll be any surprises in this one.  Pats win easy and the real fun begins with seeing how they fare in the post-season because they can beat any team they go up against.  Anything can happen with The Pats.  They’ve done it before and they can do it again.

Packers & Bears

Rodgers is in which means The Bears will be out.  What a fucking shit show The Bears have been yet again.  For the 3rd straight season they put themselves into a position to make it into the post-season and have found numerous ways to fuck it up to end out the season.  They are phenomenal duds of the highest calibre.  I understand why Head Coach Tressman had to put Cutler back in after his injury despite Josh McCown’s studly play but it’s come back to bite them and I don’t think Cutler will be back next season.  I like Cutler’s play but it’s obviously not working in Chicago.

Despite Aaron Rodgers being back my advice for The Pack would be to run the ball.  Just run the fucking football!  The Bears are dead last defending the run so The Packers should take it easy on Rodgers and let the studs do the work and throw when they need to.   It should not be more complicated than that – run against the duds.

Rams & Hawks

The Hawks lost a shocker last week at home.  No one expected that.  Their defense played great but their offence was just a dud.  Very boring, very safe.  You have to give The Cardinals D credit but it was a bad showing by Russell Wilson and co.  He’s a stud but be played like a real dud.

The Hawks are still my pick to win The Super Bowl and I’m still not going to go against them for the rest of the season.  I think that loss to Arizona was the leather whip smack to the butt cheeks they needed to wake them up and realize they just can’t phone it in.

The Hawks won a real close won the last time they played The Rams but that was in St. Louis and what happens in St. Louis stays in St. Louis.

Hawks win easy and solidify home field advantage for the playoffs en route to The Super Bowl.  What a bunch of studs.

9ers & Cardinals

Both teams will come out swinging.  Arizona must win and, as stated above, need New Orleans to lose.  It’s crazy to think that even if Arizona wins this game and goes to 11-5 they still could miss the post-season.  That is what I like to call a shit sandwich sans bread.  Arizona is a good team full of studs but are held back by a few duds, mainly Carson Palmer who is not their answer at quarterback and they need a solid running back to compliment Andre Ellington who is a change of pace back.  Once they get that, look out.

The 9ers are not going to sit their starters.  If they win and Seattle loses they would get the top seed in The NFC thus giving them a bye and home field advantage.  I  don’t think that’s going to happen but anything can happen in The NFL.

If the 9ers lose it’s going to really hurt their confidence going into the post-season so they’ll put in a good showing.  Now that WR Michael Crabtree (he’s a stud) is back the offense is really starting to click and that spark should be the difference in this one.  9ers win but still find themselves in the Wild Card spot.

Chiefs & Chargers

KC has nothing to play for and, most likely, will lie down and allow The Chargers to win which, in my opinion, is a real mistake because no one wants to play The Chargers, especially KC!  This one should be a real dud to watch.

The Chargers need The Dolphins & Ravens to lose and that could very well happen but, most likely, won’t.  The Chargers are a dangerous team that have really been clicking of late.  If they don’t make into the post-season that’ll be a real bummer because they look like a playoff team full of studs (much more so than the likes of the Dolphins & Ravens).

I say Chargers win but not sure if they’re in.

Eagles & Cowboys

The Cowboys, yet again, are a bunch of duds!  For a brief moment, this looked like this could be a real good game with the winner in and the loser out but Romo is out and Orton is in, which mathematically means The Eagles are in and the Cowboys are out.

The Eagles are a real Jeckyll & Hyde team.  Sometimes studly, other times dudly.  You just don’t know what Eagles team you are going to get but since giving Nick Foles the keys to the car they have found real consistency on offense.  If their D can find the same consistency they could spoil many post-season dreams in The NFC.

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Week 16, Thinkin’ ‘Bout Shit (That Matters)

Instead of going into the rig-a-ma-roll of all the blah, blah, blah for games that mean absolutely jack shit let’s move on to games that actually mean something.  Apologies to all the fans out there jacked up to see the Titans & Jags, Brown(town)s & Jets, Bucs & Rams but in all honesty, you know those games suck balls and it’s not me that should be apologizing but the teams themselves for turning in a season’s worth of bargain big performances.  They are the ones that farted in yo faces, not me.  I have more class than than those taint sniffers.

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Fish & Bills

Of all the teams in the AFC on the cuff of making the playoffs The Fish have the easiest match-ups to get in.  This week sees them travelling to Buffalo, which is no easy place to win but if you are playoff team worth a dollars worth of dimes than this is a game you have to win.  Miami had an impressive character win last weekend against The Gronk-less Pats and look to carry that momentum into this one.  It’s going to be cold as a witch’s titty in Buffalo but I don’t think that will make much of a difference whether you are from Miami or Buffalo because cold is cold to all human beings.  Trust me, I live in Edmonton where icicles hang from eye lashes.

The thing that bothers me about Miami is their lack of a run game.  QB Tannehill gets it done in the air but he needs a reliable back to lean on when the passing game goes stale.  They don’t have that.  Luckily for them, they have a tough D and sometimes that is enough to get them out of trouble.

The Bills have a chance to play spoiler here and playing their final game at home is a great time to do so.  They looked good against The Jags but who hasn’t looked good against those dingle berries?  The Bills have more than a few nuggets of talent on their roster and although they have fallen below expectations this season 2014 could be the year they turn it around.  I’m not expecting a playoff run but I see them being .500 or better for the first time in a long, long, long, long, Oh My Lord that’s too long, long time.

The Fish win a close game and inch closer to a playoff berth.  If The Ravens can manage to beat The Pats this weekend shit is going to get real interesting in the AFC East.

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Saints & Panthers

There is no better way for Cam & The Panthers to avenge the whipping they took two weeks ago at the hands of Cool Brees and co. than to beat The Saints on their home turf putting their playoff hopes in jeopardy.  In just a few weeks The Saints have gone from contenders to a big question mark.  They just have not performed well on the road.  It’s as simple as that and if they lose this one they’ll have given home field away in round 1 to Carolina.  That would be a real shit sammy to The Saints post-season plans.

I want to pick The Saints but with both teams sitting at 10-4 and The Saints on the road I’d be nuts to favor them and although I’ve said some nutty things on this blog I am not, contrary to some opinions, nuts.  Just a tad silly.

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Colts & Chiefs

This could be a preview of what could be a 1st round post-season match-up.  What The Chiefs and Jamal Charles did to The Raiders last week was undeniably impressive but then I remember that this was against the far-from-impressive Raiders.  Seriously, 3 of Jamal Charles’ 3 receiving touchdowns were screen passes of more than 50 yards.  Sherlock Holmes would say, ‘through the process of deduction I can only conclude that The Raiders suffer from a deficiency better knows as shitty defense.’  Well said, Sherlock.

The Colts are a few steps above The Raiders in all categories but their recent play since losing Reggie Wayne is reason for concern.  They just don’t have the same spark on offense.  If their running game can step it up it will ease the pressure on Luck but such has not been the case.  Luck knows how to win and The Colts seem to find a way but playing on the road in Arrowhead against a very stingy D will be a tough task.  Tougher than Dildo Faggins protecting that stupid ring from all of Middle Earth.  I like The Chiefs chances and, as you can tell, don’t like Lord of the Rings.

If The Chiefs do end up playing on the road in Indy to start the post-season I will have a different opinion but for now I say Chiefs.

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Cardinals & Hawks

Since The Hawks are 14-0 at home since Russell Wilson took over at QB I’m inclined to favor them going into this one.  If The Hawks win (and they will) they will clinch home field advantage for the post-season and all but lock up their spot as NFC Champions in The Super Bowl.  I said it two weeks back and I’m saying it again – I’m picking The Seahawks to win every game to end out the season and that includes The Big Game.  Go Hawks.

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Steelers & Packers

The Steelers put together a convincing Steelers-esque victory against The Bengals last week.  They looked like The Steelers of old.  I don’t know how much of that was The Bengals playing like absolute dogshit on the road (which often do) or The Steelers playing well at home.  Regardless, they are on the road in Lambeau playing against an Aaron Rodgers-less Packers team that must win to keep their post-season dreams alive.  It’s a tough call because Matt Flynn plays well at home but The Steelers seem to have found some sense of identity over the past few weeks.  Hmm, not sure which way to go on this one.  The Cowboys lost at home last week because they inexplicably abandoned the run game which was working gangbusters for them up until that point!  Very strange.  The Steelers aren’t so perplexing to pull such a stunt.  They’ll play balanced football pounding the ground mixing it up with a healthy dose of play-action deep down the field.

I’m inclined to go with the hot hand here and that belongs to Big Ben.  I should be going with the home team but Matt Flynn is just not in the same League as Roethlisberger.

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Bears & Eagles

Another head scratcher.  An age-old rivalry between two teams with the same record going into the final 2 games of the season both needing to win out.  Shiiiiiit.

I thought The Eagles would have no problem beating The Vikings last week but they had problems aplenty.  The Vikings just had their way with Philly’s D last week and if you have trouble with The Vikings receiving corps I can’t imagine how bad they’ll be against Chicago’s.

The Bears squeaked by The Browns last week in a very un-impressive victory.  It was fun to watch and The Browns are no pushovers but a good team should be able to beat Browntown with ease.  If Alshon Jeffery doesn’t make that jump ball catch in the end zone it’s possible The Bears wouldn’t have won that game.  The Bears have the best outside receiver tandem in the League, a phenomenal running back and an above average tight-end but it just doesn’t seem to be enough to propel The Bears to the next level. Who’s to blame?  One issue has been Chicago’s complete inability to stop the run game and guess what?  This week they face-off against the most lethal running back The League in LeSean McCoy so they’ll have their hands full.

The Eagles have been an offensive juggernaut over the past several games but all juggernauting aside all they really need to do is hand the ball off and throw the ball just enough to keep The Bears’ D on their heels.  It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that.

Eagles win and take hold of their division leaving The Bears with a ‘win and you’re in’ Week 17 game against the ‘win and you’re in’ Packers.  Grits ‘N’ Gravy, that’s gonna be some exciting football to watch!

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Vikings & Bengals

So The Bengals, as far as everyone can tell, are a team that plays well at home and sharts the bed on the road.  Luckily for them this game is at home.  They must win because if they don’t they’ll be playing The Ravens for all the marbles in The AFC North in Week 17 so win or lose this week they are still alive.

Ginger Dalton is their long-term quarterback but I wish they would see him as the ‘Matt Schaub’ type quarterback that he is.  He’s serviceable but not the kind of leader that wins Super Bowls.  They have all the talent around him to be at the forefront of The AFC but he is the problem holding them back.  Maybe it’s the ginger-ness.  It must be because let’s be honest, how many gingers are there in the world that are true leaders with countless accomplishments in their respective fields?  The only ginger I can think of seen in high-esteem is Nicole Kidman but she’s not really a ginger is she?  No freckles, right?  Freckles are the key.  Freckles must be the Devil’s birthmark.  Dalton’s got them all over, therefore he is what he is.

Freckle talk aside, The Bengals win but aren’t in the post-season yet.  They’ll need The Ravens to lose which brings me too…

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Patriots & Ravens

…The Ravens vs. The Pats.  Goddamn, The Ravens are lucky.  They have been getting by on a series of field goals, miscues and bad refereeing.  That’s not to take away from their spectacular victories over the past few weeks as every game, this year, it seems is riddled with miscalls but it just seems to be The Ravens bread and butter.  If I’ve learned one thing from watching 25+ years of football (shit, I’m old) it’s that if you can stay in a game for a full 60 minutes you have a chance to win and that’s just what The Ravens are doing right now.  They are in it till the very end and finding ways.  They have the most exciting, head-turning, jaw-dropping, blow-your-load field-goal kicker playing right now and he’s ready to kick-up a shit storm against New England at home.

The Pats are in trouble but fortunate.  Even though I know they want to win this one and lock-up their division they can still manage to lose because they have a gift of a game in Week 17 at home against Barffalo.  Without The Gronk The Brady Bunch just aren’t a dominant team.  They lose that dimension of having a receiver that can take over games.  Right now they have some very raw outside receivers and several slot receivers.  Yes, the slot receivers are effective and getting better each week but you can only throw so many 5-10 yard slants.  They have to be able to stretch the field and right now they can’t.

I’ve given up going against The Ravens.  I, like Lady Luck, am officially on their side right now.  Ravens win.

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Raiders & Chargers

The Chargers have an outside shot.  It’s too bad because they need virtually all of their post-season competition to lose and I’m hard pressed to think The Ravens, Dolphins, Jets and Steelers will all lose.  Like winning The Lottery it most definitely can happen but the odds are not in The Chargers favor.  It’s too bad because I think The Chargers in the post-season could be a very dangerous team.  They can beat any team in The AFC and seem to be looking better with each passing week.  Philip Rivers is on fire and there is no reason to think The Raiders swiss fucking cheese will be able to stop him.  His resurgence has been impressive and if it were not for Peyton Manning having the year he’s been having Rivers would be getting a lot more attention.  If The Chargers don’t make the playoffs this year I think a spot will be available for them next year.  They have been rebuilding over the past few seasons and it seems to be coming together now.  If they don’t make it to the post-season they’ll carry the momentum into next season.

Lightning strikes! Chargers win.

Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Week 15, Sunday Bloody Sunday

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Bears & Browns

I cannot believe the performance The Bears put forth this past Monday Night against The Cowboys.  I was sure American’s Team was going to run amok over The Bears pitiful D but it was backup QB Josh McCown and The Bears offense that did the amok running.  His play over the past few weeks will make Jay Cutler expendable this off-season and I fully expect to see him wearing a different jersey next season.  Josh McCown isn’t the saviour they’ve been searching for but he’s exposed Cutler for not being the guy either.  Who knows what’s going to happen.  Cutler is going to play this game and I don’t think they will hurt their chances either way.

Cleveland are no pushovers and at home.  Their secondary will give The Bears more than they can handle but The Bears are the better team here. They are in ‘must win’ mode and have a spark.  Go Bears!

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Patriots & Dolphins

If The Fish are going to make a move this is the time to do so.  The Patriots just lost The Gronk and are vulnerable like a 15 year-old girl at a bush party.  As much as The Pats are good at pulling out late game magic the loss of Gronk will show and I think The Fish will be too slippery for Pats D to handle.

Aw man, no Gronk douchery for the rest of 2013.  Who’s gonna take his place?  No one and I mean no one can douche it up like The Gronk.  Rest up buddy.  Spring Breeeeaaaaak is coming soon enough.

Tannehill will pull off some late-game magic.  Kinda of an upset but kinda not all thing considered.

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Eagles & Vikings

The poor, poor Vikings.  Those fuckers can’t get a break, can they?  They’re like the ‘Ziggy’ of The NFL.  Remember Ziggy?  Oh Ziggy.

Honestly, what happened last week?  That ending between The Ravens and Vikings was absolutely mental.  I thought I was watching a College game.  It was amazing to watch and, for Vikings fans, horrible to experience.  If I were a Vikings fan I think I might have died from heartbreak.  And with Adrian Peterson injured who knows how much worse things will get. True Horror Show.

The Eagles, on the other hand, are riding high looking to take a firm hold of 1st place.  Their QB Foles knows how to find the holes (in the D that is) and if it weren’t for Peyton Manning he might be ‘the’ quarterback story of the season.  The 2nd year pro has thrown 20 touchdowns to 1 interception thus far and shows no signs of slowing down.

I see no reason to think The Eagles can’t win this game.

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Seahawks & Giants

The Hawks lost to the 9ers last week but it was a close game on the road that was well within their reach.  I don’t think that loss has changed any perceptions that they are still numbers uno this year.  I’m picking The Hawks to win every game to end out the season all the way to The Super Bowl.  Caw!

If you pick The Giants than you honestly have shit for brains and if you have shit for brains than I must ask, ‘how do you keep that soft mushy stuff stay inside your melon?’

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Saints & Rams

The Saints got embarrassed by The Hawks two weeks ago and impressively turned it around last Sunday and gave the thriving Panthers the exact same treatment.  It was a bare butt fart in the face beating they handed The Panthers.  Back on the road I can’t seem them playing as bad as they did against The Hawks nor can I see them play as well as they did against The Panthers.  It will lie somewhere in between because The Rams ‘D’ is no joke but their offense is mediocre at the best of times.

Saints march on…inevitably on a path that leads them right back to Seattle.

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Cardinals & Titans

Remember what I said two weeks ago – The Cardinals play fucking terrible on the road when travelling to The East?  Not only are they doing just that this Sunday but they have to contend with the Tennessee Fairy Dust better known as Fitzmagic.  I’m calling an upset here as The Cardinals continue to expose themselves as Hometown Heroes and Weary Travelers of the East.  Why don’t they just go to bed extra early?  Seriously, I gotta get up early the next day for work I go to bed that much earlier.  Is it really that hard to lose 2 hours between time zones and be so awful?

Bring on The Fitzmagic!  We’re ready.

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Jets & Pathers

Cam Newton & The Panthers got embarrassed Sunday Night in New Orleans.  It was inevitable.  It was only a matter of time before they lost a game to a good team.  At home they will be looking to shake the memory that loss as they steamroll over the hapless Jets.

The Jets play a very similar game of football to The Panthers but much less effective.  They will get beat at their own game and beaten well.  That’s a lot of beatin’.

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Chiefs & Raiders

Two age old rivals facing off in hostile Oakland.  I’m expecting a close matchup with Oakland always being within reach but just a step behind.  That’s just how The Chiefs do, dudes.  They’re like that She-Devil (not that She-Devil with Rosanne) at the bar who gives you just enough attention to buy her a night full of drinks leaving you penniless as she hops into a cab with her boyfriend who arrived just before Last Call.

Chiefs win a close battle.

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Packers & Cowboys

The Cowboys did a great job of fucking things up for them this past Monday Night.  It seems like every step forward they make they are content to take a step back.  What’s their deal?  Does the satisfaction of playing great one week cloud their efforts following into the next?  They have been so patchy this season and up to this point, not very impressive. You can’t pin this season on Romo though.  He’s playing well.  It’s everything else around him that’s imploding.  If The Cowboys don’t make the post-season expect heads to roll around Romo.

Luckily, they have an early Christmas gift this week getting to face-off against ‘Flynn Don’t Win’ Packers.  They have to win and will but they’ll be one game behind The Eagles with the hapless Skins on the bill next week followed by a trip to, gulp, Philly to end out the year.  It’s very possible The Cowboys could have another ‘Win And You’re In’ Week 17 match-up for the 3rd year in a row.

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Bengals & Steelers

Stick a big fork into Pittsburgh because they are officially done for 2013.  The Bengals won’t decimate them but they will win this one because they are the younger, stronger and more cohesive team playing Steelers type-Football.  Ouch!

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Ravens & Lions

Who knows what the fuck The Lions are going to do in this one!  Truly, are they not the most maddening team this year?  And The Ravens?  Are they really going to sneak into the playoffs this year?  With a win they very well could and that would be amazing considering how their season began.

This feels like a real ‘coin flipper’ to me.  I’m inclined to go with the home team but I went against the defending Champs a few weeks back and was wrong about that one so I’m hard pressed to do so again.

Flacco gets paid not to be a Fucko anymore so let’s see if he’s earned that paycheque.  I say he does.