Thoughts & Shit – Stephen Js NFL Predictions & Proclamations – Week 15, Sunday Bloody Sunday

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Bears & Browns

I cannot believe the performance The Bears put forth this past Monday Night against The Cowboys.  I was sure American’s Team was going to run amok over The Bears pitiful D but it was backup QB Josh McCown and The Bears offense that did the amok running.  His play over the past few weeks will make Jay Cutler expendable this off-season and I fully expect to see him wearing a different jersey next season.  Josh McCown isn’t the saviour they’ve been searching for but he’s exposed Cutler for not being the guy either.  Who knows what’s going to happen.  Cutler is going to play this game and I don’t think they will hurt their chances either way.

Cleveland are no pushovers and at home.  Their secondary will give The Bears more than they can handle but The Bears are the better team here. They are in ‘must win’ mode and have a spark.  Go Bears!

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Patriots & Dolphins

If The Fish are going to make a move this is the time to do so.  The Patriots just lost The Gronk and are vulnerable like a 15 year-old girl at a bush party.  As much as The Pats are good at pulling out late game magic the loss of Gronk will show and I think The Fish will be too slippery for Pats D to handle.

Aw man, no Gronk douchery for the rest of 2013.  Who’s gonna take his place?  No one and I mean no one can douche it up like The Gronk.  Rest up buddy.  Spring Breeeeaaaaak is coming soon enough.

Tannehill will pull off some late-game magic.  Kinda of an upset but kinda not all thing considered.

Ziggy May 27

Eagles & Vikings

The poor, poor Vikings.  Those fuckers can’t get a break, can they?  They’re like the ‘Ziggy’ of The NFL.  Remember Ziggy?  Oh Ziggy.

Honestly, what happened last week?  That ending between The Ravens and Vikings was absolutely mental.  I thought I was watching a College game.  It was amazing to watch and, for Vikings fans, horrible to experience.  If I were a Vikings fan I think I might have died from heartbreak.  And with Adrian Peterson injured who knows how much worse things will get. True Horror Show.

The Eagles, on the other hand, are riding high looking to take a firm hold of 1st place.  Their QB Foles knows how to find the holes (in the D that is) and if it weren’t for Peyton Manning he might be ‘the’ quarterback story of the season.  The 2nd year pro has thrown 20 touchdowns to 1 interception thus far and shows no signs of slowing down.

I see no reason to think The Eagles can’t win this game.

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Seahawks & Giants

The Hawks lost to the 9ers last week but it was a close game on the road that was well within their reach.  I don’t think that loss has changed any perceptions that they are still numbers uno this year.  I’m picking The Hawks to win every game to end out the season all the way to The Super Bowl.  Caw!

If you pick The Giants than you honestly have shit for brains and if you have shit for brains than I must ask, ‘how do you keep that soft mushy stuff stay inside your melon?’

New Orleans Saints v Seattle Seahawks

Saints & Rams

The Saints got embarrassed by The Hawks two weeks ago and impressively turned it around last Sunday and gave the thriving Panthers the exact same treatment.  It was a bare butt fart in the face beating they handed The Panthers.  Back on the road I can’t seem them playing as bad as they did against The Hawks nor can I see them play as well as they did against The Panthers.  It will lie somewhere in between because The Rams ‘D’ is no joke but their offense is mediocre at the best of times.

Saints march on…inevitably on a path that leads them right back to Seattle.

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Cardinals & Titans

Remember what I said two weeks ago – The Cardinals play fucking terrible on the road when travelling to The East?  Not only are they doing just that this Sunday but they have to contend with the Tennessee Fairy Dust better known as Fitzmagic.  I’m calling an upset here as The Cardinals continue to expose themselves as Hometown Heroes and Weary Travelers of the East.  Why don’t they just go to bed extra early?  Seriously, I gotta get up early the next day for work I go to bed that much earlier.  Is it really that hard to lose 2 hours between time zones and be so awful?

Bring on The Fitzmagic!  We’re ready.

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Jets & Pathers

Cam Newton & The Panthers got embarrassed Sunday Night in New Orleans.  It was inevitable.  It was only a matter of time before they lost a game to a good team.  At home they will be looking to shake the memory that loss as they steamroll over the hapless Jets.

The Jets play a very similar game of football to The Panthers but much less effective.  They will get beat at their own game and beaten well.  That’s a lot of beatin’.

she-devil

Chiefs & Raiders

Two age old rivals facing off in hostile Oakland.  I’m expecting a close matchup with Oakland always being within reach but just a step behind.  That’s just how The Chiefs do, dudes.  They’re like that She-Devil (not that She-Devil with Rosanne) at the bar who gives you just enough attention to buy her a night full of drinks leaving you penniless as she hops into a cab with her boyfriend who arrived just before Last Call.

Chiefs win a close battle.

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Packers & Cowboys

The Cowboys did a great job of fucking things up for them this past Monday Night.  It seems like every step forward they make they are content to take a step back.  What’s their deal?  Does the satisfaction of playing great one week cloud their efforts following into the next?  They have been so patchy this season and up to this point, not very impressive. You can’t pin this season on Romo though.  He’s playing well.  It’s everything else around him that’s imploding.  If The Cowboys don’t make the post-season expect heads to roll around Romo.

Luckily, they have an early Christmas gift this week getting to face-off against ‘Flynn Don’t Win’ Packers.  They have to win and will but they’ll be one game behind The Eagles with the hapless Skins on the bill next week followed by a trip to, gulp, Philly to end out the year.  It’s very possible The Cowboys could have another ‘Win And You’re In’ Week 17 match-up for the 3rd year in a row.

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Bengals & Steelers

Stick a big fork into Pittsburgh because they are officially done for 2013.  The Bengals won’t decimate them but they will win this one because they are the younger, stronger and more cohesive team playing Steelers type-Football.  Ouch!

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Ravens & Lions

Who knows what the fuck The Lions are going to do in this one!  Truly, are they not the most maddening team this year?  And The Ravens?  Are they really going to sneak into the playoffs this year?  With a win they very well could and that would be amazing considering how their season began.

This feels like a real ‘coin flipper’ to me.  I’m inclined to go with the home team but I went against the defending Champs a few weeks back and was wrong about that one so I’m hard pressed to do so again.

Flacco gets paid not to be a Fucko anymore so let’s see if he’s earned that paycheque.  I say he does.

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