Bucs & Lions
Hey, hey, hey, hey! The Bucs have won 2 in a row and their rookie quarterback is looking better with each passing week. When running back Doug Martin went down they plugged in Mike James and he ran hog-wild. When he went down they plugged in Mike ‘Fucking’ Rainey and he ran hog-wild. Someone must have spiked the Gatorade in Tampa because they look like a different team.
The Lions are the most temperamental team in football. They do a great job of falling behind early and finding ways to pull it out in the end. Last week they did the opposite and came out firing on all cylinders scoring 27 first-half points against The Steelers and put up zero points in the 2nd half. They seem to thrive on being the underdog. Stafford to Johnson is the most lethal combo in The League but they can’t seem to find a reliable #2. When Johnson falters Reggie Bush has a good game and vice versa but both never seem to have a good game together. They need to find a happy medium.
I like Detroit at home. They are not the underdog in this one so Tampa won’t be playing into their favor but maybe, if they are lucky, Tampa will come out guns a blazing and put The Lions into an early hole to inspire them to play well in the 2nd half.
Vikings & Packers
Sorry Pack Fans but until Aaron Rodgers is back in the line-up your favorite team is officially fucked. The Packers success on offense is dependent on him running the ship. Instead they have QB Scott Tolzien at the controls and I’d equate that to that incompetent Italian dude driving The Costa Concordia to close to shore.
The Vikings don’t have much going well for them but at least they can say that in 2013 they beat the Packers in Lambeau. Yeah for injuries! Go Vikings!
Jaguars & Texans
The Jags won a game! That might be all they get. This game is a good opportunity for them to win one more against a team with very low morale. A team with low morale is like the fat chick in a group of hotties out on a Saturday Night…they give away the goods for little investment. Case “Jalapeno Hands” Keenum gets the start and his gunslinger ways should prove to be effective against the hapless Jags D. It could be a close one since no game is a gimmie in The NFL and The Texans have proved week in and week out that they are great at fucking up chances to win games in 2013. When push comes to shove the talent in Houston is much deeper than the talent in Jacksonville so I’m going with The Texans.
Chargers & Chiefs
Phillip Rivers & The Chargers are a real conundrum. They’ve looked great all year but they currently stand at 4-6 at the bottom of their division. To be fair The Chargers have had a real shit sandwich of a schedule for 2013 but it is what it is. If they are going to make a run for the playoffs this is the game to do so.
The Chiefs got their first loss of the season to the high-powered Broncos last week. Their #1 D didn’t look bad against Peyton. It was their offense that looked suspect. Alex Smith’s dink and dunk, ball-control approach will work against lesser foes but against a high-powered offense they need to change it up and throw the ball down the field. Have some balls for christssake! You got an NFL arm so use that shit! I see this approach working effectively up to a point. Yes, they’ll make the playoffs and yes they’ll probably have 12 victories but the accolades will end there. I can’t seem them making deep run into the playoffs.
I like The Chiefs in this one because they are coming off a loss, playing in KC and they have the #1 Defense in The League. The Chargers have a spark this season but it’s a dim spark about to dim.
Panthers & Fish
That was one very impressive victory by The Panthers last Monday Night against The Pats. I am thoroughly impressed. They matched them touchdown for touchdown. Their D made a play and caused a fumble at the exact right time they needed to to keep the Patriots playing from behind.
Superman Cam played with great poise and controlled the game. It was a masterful game of keeping the other team at bay. This was the type of game The Panthers continually lost last year. It was a Patriots type victory against The Patriots.
This week sees them travelling to Miami to play the middle-of-the-road Dolphins and I see no reason why Cam & The Panthers won’t continue their winning ways. Grits ‘N’ Gravy, The Panthers go to 8-3! Look out Saints & Hawks!
Steelers & Browns
Now that the fad known as ‘Browntown’ is officially over for 2013 it’s back to business as usual meaning The Steelers will rape (in a non-rapey way) and pillage Cleveland’s offense, defense and special teams en route to a satisfying Steel Town victory.
Pittsburgh has looked better over the past few weeks. That’s not saying much since their competition has been less than lackluster but they do look better than the shit show they were several weeks back. Next week sees them playing rival Baltimore and if they can manage to win that one Pittsburgh will move to 6-6 with a very soft schedule to end out the season. Hope is not lost yet Steelers fans.
Bears & Rams
I just don’t know about this one. I really don’t. It’s a real head scratcher. It’s the battle of the back-ups. Josh McCown vs. Kellen Clemens. Truth be told Josh McCown is playing at the same level or better than ‘Double-Chin Cutler’ since taking the reigns. Clemens isn’t playing at as high a level but The Rams are a tough foe to beat, especially at home.
Over the past few years Week 10 is when Chicago starts to fall apart at the seams so this game, in Stephen J’s opinion, is their moment of truth for this season. Will Chicago fight the good fight and make a push for the playoffs or will they shit the bed yet again?
No need to clean those bed sheets just yet Chicago fans. Bears win and keep their playoff dreams alive.
Jets & Ravens
Geno & The Jets have looked good against subpar teams. The Patriots victory notwithstanding, The Jets have looked fucking God awful against teams with an above .500 record.
The Ravens aren’t quite subpar. They are a hair better than that and they need to win this game to keep relevant in the post-season hunt. This could be a real grudge match between two teams that are going to have to claw tooth and nail to make it into the post-season. I think “Fucko No More” Flacco has what it takes where Geno does not. I doubt we’ll see more than 40 points and we’ll see field goals aplenty but in the end The Ravens will soar.
Titans & Raiders
Who fucking cares, right? Titans and Raiders anyone? As I stated last week The Titans are officially fucked for the rest of ’13. QB Ryan “Fitz-Magic” Fitzpatrick isn’t bad but he is far from great and he’s absolutely phenomenal at turning the ball over. Furthermore, his noodle arm lacks the ability to make big throws down the field. There will be no Fitz-magic this year in Tennessee.
The Raiders, on the other hand, have pieces in place for the future and they could squeeze out a few more surprising victories this season but it’s highly doubtful they’ll get past 7 victories. They’ve got a motley crew of misfits and some of those dingleberries (like Rashad Jennings) have turned into real gems. Brand new quarterback/flavor for the month Matt McGloin has some interesting potential and played very well last week but it will be interesting to see how he plays after opposing defenses have had a chance to analyze his methods. The Titans have a good defense so if McGloin can manage to play well two games in a row the hype train will have officially left the station.
Let’s throw caution to the wind and say The Raiders win and keep the post-season dream alive. Matt McGloin! Matt McGloin! Matt McGloin! The guy seriously needs a better QB name than that. I say let’s just call him ‘McGloin’!
Colts & Cardinals
Another head scratcher. I say stay away from investing any sort of funds into this one unless you are going for the jugular and picking a draw. It feels like a 3 point game to me. The Colts are hurt by injuries but they are finding ways to win. The loss of Reggie Wayne has really hurt them and I think that loss is going to show this weekend against a fantastic Arizona secondary. The Cardinals are flying under the radar this season but a win would put them at 7-4 and under the radar no more.
I don’t like Carson Palmer and I don’t like any of their running backs but Arizona’s D is vicious and a serviceable offense is all they need and they most definitely got what they needed.
Colts QB Andrew Luck always seems to find a way but I think the thriving Cardinals will be too much to handle playing at home.
Cowboys & Giants
Giants have won 4 in a row and when their backs are against the wall they always seem to play against Dallas. Both teams desperately need to win this one. Their season’s depend on it. A Giants victory would put both teams at 5-6. It’s crazy to think The G-Men are even in this position considering their shit show 0-6 start.
It’s in New York so The Giants have an edge but when I look back at The Giants 4-game winning streak I notice that they haven’t faced a starting QB during that streak. Homo Romo is always a gamble late in the season but at some point he’s going to have to come out on top. He’s got a plethora of weapons to lean on and I think he’ll be doing some heavy leaning on Whitten and Bryant.
I know The Giants play their best football in November and December but I think The Cowboys are the better team.
Broncos & Patriots
Manning vs. Brady. For the past decade many of us have sat in front of the television getting fat watching these two duke it out. They’ve had some real classics and I don’t see any reason why this one will be different.
The Broncos have more talent than The Pats but Brady and Bellicheck always seem to have a sneaky game plan against the premiere teams.
When I shook my magic 8-ball and asked it who will be victorious in this clash of the titans it responded, “Reply hazy. Try again later.”
What a crock of shit, right? That’s $18 dollars wasted.
Magic aside, The Broncos will make a big play late in the 4th.