Ah, Week 17, the week of gambling tomfoolery. It’s always a guessing game as to which teams will play their studs and which will play their duds. It’s a ‘Studs ‘N’ Duds’ kinda thing. That term applies to not only Week 17 in The NFL but also horse racing, male stripping and Firefighter Calendars.
Browntown & Steeltown
The Steelers need to win and all of their playoff competition to lose. In other words, they are kinda fucked. They will win this game but, unfortunately for them, one of their competitors will also win thus eliminating them from the playoffs. It’s too bad because The Steelers started off terribly at 1-5 but have ended out the season strong. The are in a transition phase right now with a lot of old farts on the defense that need to go. The problem with them over the past two seasons has been keeping players healthy and they only way to do that is to bring in youth and cut ties with the 30+ year-olds. It’s age-ism at it’s best. Bring on the new studs Pittsburgh!
Browntown has been building the foundation for a solid team and despite, yet again, having another losing record but they were in every game this season. If they can manage to bring in a solid quarterback next season the win column will increase tenfold. The future is bright in Cleveland.
Ravens & Bengals
The Bengals are playing for the #2 seed in The AFC so they’ll be playing their studs which spells bad news for Baltimore. The Ravens last week looked like a bunch of duds at home last week in their embarrassing loss to New England despite playing their studs. They need to win this game and have The Dolphins lose to get in. It’s a bit of a longshot, especially since they’ll be playing on the road but they did beat The Bengals at home earlier this season.
I see this being a close game and a bit of brawl at that. Because it’s at home I think The Bengals will prevail because that’s what they have been doing all season.
There is no way to candy coat a disappointing season for The Ravens but they lost a lot of seminal pieces from last season. This off-season will see them rebuild and I think we’ll see an improved team next season. Lotsa studs, less duds.
Jets & Fish
Fish win and they’re in. It’s as simple as that. The Jets will, no doubt, try to play the spoiler here. There is a very good chance The Jets win this one because The Dolphins don’t blow anyone out of the water and these two always play each other tough. If The Fish do end up losing they have no business being in the post-season anyhow. They had a gift of a game in Buffalo and got fucking manhandled by The Bills losing 19-0. Bunch a duds. That’s a very bad sign going into this one. Luckily for them, this game is on their home turf and I have to believe they’ll be inspired to put in a better performance.
I’m on the fence about this one and my balls hurt because of it. I’m going with The Dolphins but I don’t feel confident. I feel like I’m asking a girl for her number at the bar – could go either way. Could be a stud, could be a dud.
Panthers & Falcons
Panthers are in the playoffs already but they want to win to position themselves with a more favorable seed going into the post-season. The win against New Orleans last weekend was huge and shows what a bunch of studs they truly are. The don’t blow you out of the water but they make plays when they need to and they rarely dig themselves into a hole they can’t get out of. They could be a real threat this post-season. I’m intrigued to see how they fare in their first post-season performance in over a decade.
The Falcons suck balls this season and there really isn’t anything more to add. Duds.
Bucs & Saints
The Saints must win to gain entry into the playoffs. If they don’t they leave the door open for Arizona to steal their spot but luckily for them they are playing at home where they play like a bunch of studs.
The Bucs have somewhat turned it around from a dreadful start. They always seem to play The Saints tough but playing in the Metrodome against a desperate Saints team will be too much for them to handle. I see this being a chippy game to start but The Saints will slowly but surely pull away with each passing quarter.
I don’t feel good about The Saints in the post-season because they’ll be on the road where they are weary duds.
Bills & Pats
The Patriots are playing to better position themselves in the playoffs but I don’t think it really matters whether they play at home or on the road. They’ve been both studs and duds at home and away. They’ve been a perplexing bunch to watch all year. Right now, the offence is leaning on a diverse running game with Brady throwing darts to a couple of slot receivers. They are a resilient bunch and just find a way to make it work where other teams (like The Falcons) just call it a day.
The Bills have had an up and down season with way more downs than ups but they have a pretty ferocious defense full of studs and a lot to be excited about going into next season. If they can get more consistency and confidence our of their passing game (in other words, more studly) they will be a formidable threat.
Sometimes The Bills surprise The Pats but I don’t they’ll be any surprises in this one. Pats win easy and the real fun begins with seeing how they fare in the post-season because they can beat any team they go up against. Anything can happen with The Pats. They’ve done it before and they can do it again.
Packers & Bears
Rodgers is in which means The Bears will be out. What a fucking shit show The Bears have been yet again. For the 3rd straight season they put themselves into a position to make it into the post-season and have found numerous ways to fuck it up to end out the season. They are phenomenal duds of the highest calibre. I understand why Head Coach Tressman had to put Cutler back in after his injury despite Josh McCown’s studly play but it’s come back to bite them and I don’t think Cutler will be back next season. I like Cutler’s play but it’s obviously not working in Chicago.
Despite Aaron Rodgers being back my advice for The Pack would be to run the ball. Just run the fucking football! The Bears are dead last defending the run so The Packers should take it easy on Rodgers and let the studs do the work and throw when they need to. It should not be more complicated than that – run against the duds.
Rams & Hawks
The Hawks lost a shocker last week at home. No one expected that. Their defense played great but their offence was just a dud. Very boring, very safe. You have to give The Cardinals D credit but it was a bad showing by Russell Wilson and co. He’s a stud but be played like a real dud.
The Hawks are still my pick to win The Super Bowl and I’m still not going to go against them for the rest of the season. I think that loss to Arizona was the leather whip smack to the butt cheeks they needed to wake them up and realize they just can’t phone it in.
The Hawks won a real close won the last time they played The Rams but that was in St. Louis and what happens in St. Louis stays in St. Louis.
Hawks win easy and solidify home field advantage for the playoffs en route to The Super Bowl. What a bunch of studs.
9ers & Cardinals
Both teams will come out swinging. Arizona must win and, as stated above, need New Orleans to lose. It’s crazy to think that even if Arizona wins this game and goes to 11-5 they still could miss the post-season. That is what I like to call a shit sandwich sans bread. Arizona is a good team full of studs but are held back by a few duds, mainly Carson Palmer who is not their answer at quarterback and they need a solid running back to compliment Andre Ellington who is a change of pace back. Once they get that, look out.
The 9ers are not going to sit their starters. If they win and Seattle loses they would get the top seed in The NFC thus giving them a bye and home field advantage. I don’t think that’s going to happen but anything can happen in The NFL.
If the 9ers lose it’s going to really hurt their confidence going into the post-season so they’ll put in a good showing. Now that WR Michael Crabtree (he’s a stud) is back the offense is really starting to click and that spark should be the difference in this one. 9ers win but still find themselves in the Wild Card spot.
Chiefs & Chargers
KC has nothing to play for and, most likely, will lie down and allow The Chargers to win which, in my opinion, is a real mistake because no one wants to play The Chargers, especially KC! This one should be a real dud to watch.
The Chargers need The Dolphins & Ravens to lose and that could very well happen but, most likely, won’t. The Chargers are a dangerous team that have really been clicking of late. If they don’t make into the post-season that’ll be a real bummer because they look like a playoff team full of studs (much more so than the likes of the Dolphins & Ravens).
I say Chargers win but not sure if they’re in.
Eagles & Cowboys
The Cowboys, yet again, are a bunch of duds! For a brief moment, this looked like this could be a real good game with the winner in and the loser out but Romo is out and Orton is in, which mathematically means The Eagles are in and the Cowboys are out.
The Eagles are a real Jeckyll & Hyde team. Sometimes studly, other times dudly. You just don’t know what Eagles team you are going to get but since giving Nick Foles the keys to the car they have found real consistency on offense. If their D can find the same consistency they could spoil many post-season dreams in The NFC.